Paris Day One

We finally arrived in Paris and headed by RER to our hotel. We got muddled with stops (when I say we, I mean me) so ended up getting off at the bottom of Montmartre and walking from there. It was a long walk and very hot especially with our suitcases but we got to see The Moulin Rouge and the area surrounding the famous Sacre Coeur

We managed to find our hotel for the next four nights which was down a quiet backstreet but not far from the main road with lots of shops and places to buy food. Once arriving at our hotel and settling into our room we relaxed for a bit before venturing out to find somewhere to buy drinks and food for breakfast and perhaps a little something for dinner. It was quite late by this stage so we decided upon pizza to take back to the hotel room. We found a tiny corner shop (that wasn't on a corner) to buy some bits for breakfast and for snacks to take out during the day and then headed across the road to a pizza delivery place we had seen on the walk down the main street. We got a family size pizza and my god I have never seen a pizza that size before! 

Pizza in hand we found our way back to the hotel, sneaking past reception with our mammoth sized dinner. We headed upstairs to watch some French TV we barely understood, eat a pizza that would of comfortably fed a family of ten and get an early night.

Life.

I've spent this evening sorting through Paris photos and listening to Gaslight (they are my absolute favourite for the summer!). 

Looking through the photos has made me feel so thankful. I'm so incredibly lucky to have such an amazing other half. It's hard to explain, but from the minute I met him, that was it, it was like we had been best pals forever. I've had several bad relationships (as has everyone) in fact, most of them have turned sour and I've usually been left being made to feel bad for who I am, what I look like, how I act and my anxiety. Being with Alex is completely different, those things don't bother him, he appreciates who I am and my views and opinions. 

It means so much to have someone who genuinely cares about what I think and appreciates the fact that we have our differences and not everyone can agree all the time. Other 'boyfriends' have tried to mold me and make me into the girlfriend they want when what they actually should of been doing is thinking about the type of person they want to spend their life with. If they want someone exactly the same as them then they should of looked for that in the first place.

As for my anxiety, sure, it's still there and I suppose it always will be, but I could count on one hand the number of attacks and bouts of anxiety I have had since September last year. And it's not such a big deal anymore, I used to find that most of my anxiety came from knowing I had to keep it under control, that if I didn't I would be dumped time and time again. I basically had anxiety about my anxiety. Now I know I don't need to feel that way. That doesn't mean that I don't worry about how Alex will react sometimes but it is never to the same extent, and most importantly, it doesn't bother him, all he cares about is making me feel better (which ultimately makes it disappear ten times quicker than when people have got irate at me about it).

Looking at photos from this time last year, it's like looking at a completely different me. I look so anxious, so uncomfortable in my own skin. Every photo I have with Alex or taken since we got together I look like me again, comfortable, confident and happy.
Being with Alex makes me realise that all my insecurities about myself and about relationships were founded upon OLD experiences, OLD 'boyfriends', people trying to ruin things by giving me more things to be more insecure about, feeding me lies and treating me like I'm worth less than a pile of shit. And yeh, it has gotten to me to a certain extent. When things have been said I did doubt myself, I doubted the truth (as I do in any situation) but deep down I knew I am me, I am proud of who I am, the things I have achieved, my beliefs and values, the way I treat people and the world around me and the fact that no matter how much shit I have taken from people I have never retaliated. 

My ex and I have been talking recently. He emailed me several months ago apologising for everything, saying that how he acted was the biggest regret in his life. He was my first love, we were one another's for what seemed like the longest time, we shared a house, a cat, friends, a life. Things turned to shit just like that and he spouted a lot of stuff at me, did a few things to mess with my head, we kept in contact on and off for a year after we split and communication ended rather nastily on his part. For him to apologise and talk about everything is so nice. I guess, to have someone who's been so nasty to you coming out of the wood work and telling you you weren't all the horrible things they claimed you were is really reassuring. It must of taken a lot of guts and I admire that, and I appreciate him for doing it so I could have some weight lifted off my shoulders.

The main thing I've learnt recently, is to focus on the future. Sure, learn from past experiences, but don't judge everyone on how others have been towards you. Don't spend time on insecurities produced from other's past actions. Because Alex sure as hell is nothing like anyone I've met before, and he deserves to be treated that way.

New Job.

Several weeks ago I saw a job advertisement in our local supermarket for a place I have been lusting over working in for ages now! It was for a full time support worker in a home for girls with moderate learning difficulties in the same (tiny!) village as me. The advertisement was quite old and I doubted that the vacancy would even still be available let alone that I would stand a chance getting the job. I have no experience in care or with adults with learning difficulties. I've worked in the same tea rooms since I was fifteen (even whilst at university) and after leaving university got the only job I could manage to find with ease as a Kitchen Assistant in a retirement home. So, let's just say I wasn't very confident. However, I thought I'd give it a shot and contact the manager.

A few weeks ago the manager invited me in to have a look around, get a feel for the place and for them to get a feel for me. The 'home' (in the true meaning of the word) is great and the people were so welcoming. We had a nice cup of tea and chat, spoke about the job and the work the company do and the girls within it and then I had a look round. The main house is very homely, in fact, it feels very much like somebody's house, which it is essentially. Downstairs is a large kitchen, dining room and lounge, along with one of the lady's bedrooms and a staff lounge. Upstairs there's a couple of bedrooms for the girls and up further still is the sleep room for staff and the office. Outside is a really pretty garden with a lovely pond, flowers and a laundry area for the girls to do their washing and bits. The outside living areas are great: the girls have their own little 'flats' to enable them to live independently and eventually do so within the community. The house also has five cats, three of which belong to one of the girls the others are shared. After looking around it was safe to say I was in love. The job sounded perfect, the staff were lovely and it was in a perfect location. I was invited for an interview the following week but I didn't get my hopes up as I knew I'd be heart broken if I didn't get the job.

But I did!

As soon as I have handed in and worked my notice at my current job I will be a Support Worker! I am so excited and terrified at the prospect! I can't wait to do a job that is really beneficial to people. One where I can help others and develop myself. The role comes with training which I am really looking forward to getting stuck into as I love things like that and it involves taking the girls to activities such as horse riding, glass blowing, day centre, youth club, parties, cinema, anything they have timetabled really! I will be there to support the girls with their cooking, work experiences and college. I really am so thrilled to have been offered this opportunity and hope I can prove to the company how grateful I am!

Ebbor Gorge.

This weekend my boyfriend and I were stuck on how to spend the day. The weather was beautiful so we wanted to make the most of it (especially considering the unpredictable nature of English weather!). In the end we decided to go for lunch in the lovely little city of Wells and then go for a walk in the nearby Ebbor Gorge.

After we had finished stuffing our faces in my favourite cafe, we set off to find the Gorge. The journey was short but so hilly. My poor metro suffered from the trip, having to go up hills in first gear! In the end we made it. I've had this image in my head for years now and I've always been unsure as to whether it was a memory of a place or somewhere I dreamt up. As soon as we entered the Gorge I knew this was the place I had been thinking of for so long and it instantly became my new favourite place. Ebbor is so natural and untouched, so close to people and villages and yet it seems a million miles from it. I visit Cheddar Gorge a lot and, although it is spectacular and I doubt there is another place like it in the UK, it is far more touristy and a lot harder to get away from the hustle and bustle.

We decided to take the main 'red' clifftop route, so we could explore the gorge as well as wander through the woodland. This walk took about an hour, however, ours took about two as we kept wandering off the path to explore caves!

The whole gorge is absolutely magical. I felt although I had stepped into something from a fairy tale or The Hobbit! 

At the base of the gorge there is a small, pretty stream which we couldn't help but mess around in! I feel so fortunate to have a boyfriend who is like minded. We both can't resist exploring places off the path or sticking our noses into everything.

Following further along the path brings you to the ascent up on top of the gorge itself. It was quite hard work (considering I hadn't quite recovered from several shifts running around at work) but so worth while!

Finally, just as the sun was beginning to set we reached the top of the gorge. The view was spectacular. We really do live in the prettiest place but sometimes you're just so busy with other things to realise it.

After sitting and enjoying the view, the sunset and one another's company, we headed back to the car to get some 'special drinks' (raspberry and ginger for me!) and make some yummy food, but not before leaving a walking stick behind for the next visitors.